A new outlook

I had the wonderful opportunity to get away for a few nights by myself, thanks to my loving husband and American Express reward points =). It was such a blessing to be able to take the time by myself, which before I don't think I have EVER craved in the way I've been craving it these last few months. I am not a person who likes to be alone for long periods of time, especially a whole night, let alone 2, so it's saying something when I want to get away for two nights! I would say I was actually desperate to get away and just have some time with myself and with the Lord, who I have not been spending enough time with lately.

My faith has been tested like never before this last year (really the last 6 months) and there were quite I few times where I actually thought I might just walk away from it all together. I felt so angry with God for not coming to my rescue from all this pain-for not saving my grandpa, providing a job for Tyler, healing Zachary, allowing the sale of our home to go through...you get the picture. I've been so angry and yet at the same I always knew that He was providing for us-people brought us meals, listened to us, cried with us, hugged us, gave us money, gave of their time so we could sleep, eat, or just have a few hours away. For some reason, probably because I wasn't ever really letting Him in, those things He was doing for us, weren't making the connection to my heart all the time. I still kept wondering why He wasn't taking care of the BIG problems in our lives and when/if He was going to get around to it.
Now I don't have the answer to that question, but I do feel more connected to Him and not so concerned with the why or the when. It happened to work out perfectly that I had joined a Women's Bible study through my church and we had our first lesson the day I left for the beach. I was really excited to go because even though I have been angry with the Lord, I've also been longing for Him. I needed to find a way to let Him in again. Sure enough, this bible study is the answer.

First of all, we are studying David, which happens to be my grandpa's name, and I know that probably doesn't really mean anything, but I feel like I was meant to join this bible study this year! I didn't have any huge revelations or anything but was reminded of some important things I already knew. 1 Samuel 14:6 says " Nothing can hinder the Lord from saving whether by many or by few." The part of this verse that really got me was the NOTHING CAN HINDER THE LORD. Beth Moore talks about how nothing can hinder the Lord, but He chooses based on His sovereignty. This was powerful to me for some reason. I guess I just needed to remember that the Lord is Sovereign and while I may not understand why he chooses to act or not to act, I still can know that He is all powerful and believe that He knows best for me, and somehow that brings me comfort. The other thing that really stood out to me was that I need to be wearing the armor of God. I have not been arming myself against anything, nor have I been trusting that the Lord is leading the way and if I only follow Him, I will be okay. I need to have faith in the Lord. Believing that the Lord is all powerful and that He is leading the way and I just need to follow Him has brought me a lot of peace. I no longer feel the burden of having to figure everything out. I can rest in knowing that God is with me!!

I hope this all makes sense. We were supposed to read 1 Samuel 14:1-23, if you want to read it. It's a great passage!