An answer to prayer

I know this is going to sound weird, but I am really glad that I got laid off. Don't get me wrong, I loved my teaching job!! I worked for a great principal with great co-workers and I loved my students and their parents!! That said, I have always sort of felt like I wasn't made to work, because no matter how much I enjoyed teaching, or any other job, I enjoyed even more setting my own schedule and filling my day with social activities or nothing at all, but it was up to me what I did or didn't do each day and I loved that! I also always envisioned myself being a stay at home mom, going to mommy groups and playdates, or just leisurely enjoying the day with my baby. I would have a nice schedule set and my baby would just follow it so that I would still be in control of my day. I imagined some sort of maternal bliss where everything was just wonderful and happy and fun.

I don't know what land I was living in, but clearly it was not reality. Those of you who have been following my blog or have had conversations with us about Zachary know that maternal bliss is not exactly what I've had going on. In fact, there have been several times where I thought that I was desperate to go back to work and would take a job anywhere and Tyler would stay home with Z (I actually just told Tyler this the other day. Of course, I didn't mean it because I can't stand the thought of leaving Z everyday for 8 hours a day!) Instead of days at the park and zoo, we spent days in the doctors' offices and hospital. Or I spent days dealing with throw up and a baby who screamed anytime I tried to feed him. I tried to join a mom's group, but so many doctors appointments interfered and then I just got to the point where I was afraid to go anywhere for fear of Z screaming and throwing up all over the place.

All that said, I LOVE that I am staying home with him and hope it is something that I am able to continue. Before I got laid off, I prayed that God would give me a clear answer about what I was supposed to do this year. We already knew that he was having some health problems, but I felt like it was really irresponsible to give up a teaching job in this economy. SO, I literally prayed that God would make it extremely clear to me so that there could be no doubt because it just wasn't a decision I could make. Then I got laid off. I definitely think it was an answer to my prayer. When I got the call, I had an overwhelming sense of peace and certainty that He was going to provide for us (which He has, although not exactly how I thought He would). And yes, that certainty has wavered, especially when Tyler's job ended and sometimes now knowing he still hasn't found a new job. But I just have to remember that the Lord has a plan in all of this and He has yet to leave us hanging!! And I have to remember what I prayed and how it was answered!

In addition to the fact that I prayed something specific and got a specific answer, because I was laid off I have the opportunity to join my church's womens' bible study, which I have always wanted to join because I have heard such amazing things about it, and it is everything I thought it would be!! I truly feel like I am supposed to be in this study this year! AND, I have the opportunity to join Sprouts (like MOPS) at my church, which is also amazing!! AND Zachary is doing SO much better, and while we aren't out of the woods yet, things are starting to become a sort of normal for us! Some of my dreams about motherhood are starting to come true! We are having fun together, I am a part of the bible study, Sprouts, and a mom's group. I have been getting the opportunity to meet some amazing women who I just know are going to be an integral part of my faith journey and my journey into motherhood!

I have so much fun with my sweet baby boy and I just love him to pieces!! While our days are anything but leisurely and they definitely aren't set to what I want to do or don't want to do each day, I can't imagine spending my days doing anything else. By answering my prayer about work, God also answered prayer about other things as well. Things I didn't even know I needed at the time that first prayer was answered! Our God is so amazing and I am feeling incredibly blessed! I know that I may have to go back to work at some point, and if that's the case, I know that the Lord will prepare me for that, but for this season in our lives, I think I'm exactly where I need to be.