coincidence...I think not

First I just want to say thank you to all of my friends who responded to my post last night! Your answers were very helpful, and I found myself agreeing with all of them. I was pretty angry last night, but am feeling much better tonight.

Even though I really didn't want to, I sat down to do my bible study homework tonight, only to find that it spoke directly to my heart! I am sure this is not a coincidence. I'm on day 2, which is about change and Beth uses the equation Time + Conflict= Change. She explains that those two things together bring about change. David was in the middle of a war with Saul's house and as the war went on, David's army became stronger while Saul's became weaker. Beth explains that we are in the middle of our own battles all the time...and boy do I feel like I am in the middle of a battle. We battle evil, our own sinful nature, and the world. I sort of feel like I am battling all three at this particular moment in time. Anyway, she wrote about how we can come through time and conflict either weaker or stronger, and the only way to come out stronger is to lean on God. And I know she's right, and I am grateful for the reminder. I don't know what the future holds, but I am determined to come out of this battle stronger and changed for the better.

Tyler and I had a great discussion about faith tonight, and he pointed out something I didn't really want to admit, but was so true. I have been angry at God (especially these last few days/weeks) because I felt like He wasn't listening or answering our prayers. Well, first of all, a person only needs to read back a few blog posts and see what I wrote about all the ways God has been answering our prayers, which I conveniently forgot about the minute something else didn't go my way. And that's exactly the problem. I want things to go the way I want them to, when I want them to. As Tyler put it, I am a type A personality and I like to be in control and have everything planned out and then have everything go the way I planned it. And he's right. Sure, I have learned how to be more flexible (in some areas more than others). But when it comes down to it, I have been angry because God is not answering my prayers the way I think He should be answering them. But He is answering them, or at least most of them. And even though He isn't answering all of them, He is providing for our needs, which is the most important thing. I am learning not to be so bratty, and instead realize that I am not always going to get my way, but God is still there and will always meet our needs.

And so the battle wages on, but I will have faith in a God who loves me so much He sent His son to die for my sins, and I will cry out to Him and depend on Him wholeheartedly.